Book Review: Martyn Waites - Stephen Larkin Quartet

After another day of the monotonous nine to five, I come home expecting to converse with my lovely wife. Instead, her nose is ensconced in yet another Tania Carver novel. Must be good, I think to myself. Good Christmas present that. Brownie points for me, despite the fact my wife is barely talking to me.

It‘s been three years since I acquainted myself with Martyn Waites’ Joe Donovan series. Since 2012, I’ve scoured the backwaters of various bookstores and websites to procure the Stephen Larkin quartet. Last year, I completed the feat with the fourth in the series, Born Under Punches. So, with my better half engrossed in the Tania Carver series (for those unaware, Tania Carver is Waites' alter-ego; for clarity, visit his website here), I thought it was time to backtrack and explore the world of one Stephen Larkin.

Surmising, it only took three weeks to get through the four novels in which Larkin features. This series is good. Actually, it’s really fucking good. How Waites isn’t mentioned in the same breath as your Rankins of the world is quite simply beggars belief.

Without trying to be that arsehole who gives it away, Stephen Larkin is one hell of a protagonist. An idealistic journalist who’s experienced tumultuous times, now fighting against Britain’s underworld; home of the country’s most notorious sociopaths and degenerates, cut from the fabric of the sadistic rich and knuckle dragging underclass. Geography doesn’t discriminate, either; meanderings throughout this series occur both north and south of Britain.

Take the sharp witticism of Philip Marlowe and the snarky humour of Bernhard Gunther and in a roundabout sort of way, you have Stephen Larkin. In Game of Thrones-speak, modern crime fiction's very own King of the North.

The same way Chandler and Ellroy give us the gritty snapshot of Los Angeles. The same way Kerr squeezes the essence of Berlin through the lenses of Bernie Gunther. You can feel the landscape of northern Britain through the perspective of Stephen Larkin. The bleak urban decay which has been lived, and while you can sense many writers becoming too close to their own culture, Waites has written perfectly at arm’s length throughout the Larkin quartet. His hard-boiled panache drips off the pages throughout the first instalment in Mary’s Prayer; some of the darkest and cruellest moments in modern day crime fiction, for mine. Little Triggers follows with extremely confrontational themes; sheer callowness with no regard for humanity. Waites isn’t afraid to make his reader squirm in discomfort, though. His uncompromising verve is unparalleled.

Candleland is arguably the finest moment throughout the series and probably my favourite work from Waites. Here, he writes with a tender poeticism rarely seen in crime fiction. Candleland’s themes are emotionally close to the bone for many reasons. Each character is at a cross roads here. Each has something to lose.

The final instalment, Born Under Punches, sees Waites at his creative best. Its themes, its style, Born... is the most contrasting to the preceding three novels. Novels like this aren’t written overnight. Meticulous plotting and prolonged research is required and you can tell Waites has gone above and beyond with his trusty fine tooth comb, intertwining fictional characters into past historic events. Kerr did it. So did Ellroy. Now, Waites joins the pantheon of great crime fiction writers with Born Under Punches. This is far beyond a cheap two finger salute to Thatcherism. It’s a well-thought out polemic tour-de-force and a stunning indictment to authority and its bulldozer savagery in the demonization of the working class.

So it took three weeks. Three of the better weeks of my 2015, I must say. The only bad news is that my bookshelf is slightly short of Martyn Waites books. The good news? There’s a bunch of Tania Carver novels at the ready. “They’re brilliant,” says my wife. It’s the first words I’ve heard her speak in three weeks, so I’ll take her word for it.

By Simon K.

Book Review: Irvine Welsh - A Decent Ride (Guest Post by Terry Blanchard)

Terry Blanchard features in my first book, Borrowed Time. Blanchard will also be appearing in the sequel to Borrowed Time, currently in the works with a proposed 2016 release. Big Terry is currently serving time in the Grafton Correctional Centre for possession with intent to sell or supply and two counts of grievous bodily harm with intent. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen:

Avoidin’ blokes in prison has its ups and downs. It helps to set the stalls out, ya know? Mark ya territory. Like breakin’ some poor cunt’s jaw on ya first day! Since then, the rest of the degenerates I have the pleasure of sharing the confines of prison with have backed off. A serious pro in the shower department, but when you’re a man of the world – like meself – it gets pretty lonely when no cunt talks to ya simply because they’re scared shitless! So, along with drinkin’ beer and playin' rugby league, havin’ a good ol’ chin wag seems out of the question for the foreseeable future, too.

So a couple of weeks on, I’m sat on me Pat Malone and this bespectacled cunt comes rollin’ a trolley full of books down the concrete corridor past me cell. Never been a reader meself. Most blokes who’ve been diggin’ holes on local council for most of their lives aren’t, are they?

Anyway, this shiny new book on the edge of the trolley grabs me attention. The silver writin’ in blocks letters with the name IRVINE WELSH on it. So I stop the bespectacled cunt and he’s shiverin’ and shakin’ like he's got pneumonia. I tell him to settle down and snatch the book off the trolley, as he scurries off like a frightened cat.

So I look at the cover and it has this greasy lookin’ farker with the corkscrew hair and those big hipster sunnies sittin’ in his taxi. A Decent Ride. Not a bad title, ay. I start readin' the back of it and blow me farkin’ down, the main bloke in the book has the same name as me! A ‘Juice’ Terry Lawson. Whatever this ‘Juice’ business is about, I’m farked if I know at this stage, but with a name like Terry, the cunt can only be a good bloke, ya know?

So I start readin’ and I have to say, it’s the first time I’ve laughed in ages. Actually I was howlin' so hard they said me laughs were heard in the next cellblock! That funeral speech. Some farkin' balls, this Terry Lawson character! 

Terry’s a Scotsman. Mad as a cut snake, too, I might add. The whole thing’s based in Edinburgh. I like this Welsh bloke and how he spells words the way people speak. Not seen that before! Not that I’m an avid reader but when ya watch the telly, ya hear all these cunts speakin’ the Queens. It’s bullshit if ya ask me. Shit like this? It caters for the workin’ class! I’ll be soundin' like a Scotsman after readin’ this, hah!

Anyway, this Terry’s a mad shagger. Been in porn films and the like, although he calls it "scud". Apart from drivin’ taxis, he likes the Ajax, too, although since I’m here in prison because of the “ching” I’ll not say too much more on the subject. Still a sore point, ya know? Anyway, I can attest to the shaggin’, cos I go alright between the Egyptian cotton meself.

There’s plenty of other chargers throughout this one, too. This Jonty McKay character reminds me of the bloke out of the only other book I’ve read. That cunt in Of Mice and Men; Lenny. Only read the book ‘cos it was a part of me English exam at school, ya see. Suffice to say I failed the comprehension test. Not sure if I finished the book, either. Can’t honestly remember, if truth be told. Anyway, young Jonts seems like he’s a sandwich short, if you catch me drift? Loves his Chicken McNuggets, his “wee” Jinty, not to mention his canary-yellow fleece. I could do with some Maccas meself right now! Anyway, I had to chuckle every time the poor bastard repeats himself with an "aye sur, aye sur”. Farkin’ brilliant!

Then there’s this Yank dickhead, Ronnie Checker. Typical seppo; full of piss, vinegar and self-importance. He hardly gets any of Tezza’s jokes or humour, but that’s just the seppos, innit? They don’t get the dry wit of the British and us Aussies, do they? 

Anyways, I won’t ruin it too much for those cunts who’re yet to put their peelers on A Decent Ride. All I’ll say, though, is that this Irvine Welsh bloke is my cup of tea and I don’t say that about too many cunts these days. As for ‘Juice’ Terry. I wish I could have a few beers with this "radge"! Show him the Aussie way and the succulent taste of Tooheys Extra Dry. Terry 'n' Terry. Nice ring to it, don't ya think? He’ll have damn side better time with me than that seppo arsehole Checker! Might even get meself to Scotland when I get out of the clink. Mind you, immigration might have somethin’ to say about that… 

Righto, time to break someone else’s jaw in order to get one of those hidden iPhones I hear they keep around this joint. I need to Wikipedia this Irvine Welsh character. He might have some more books to read! 

Five Farkin' Stars!

 By Terry Blanchard.
 

Food Review - The Coffee Club: Warwick, QLD Branch

I'm not one to normally complain about restaurant food. In fact, there's no 'normally' about it. In my 31 years I never have! Until now, of course. Since today's encounter with Warwick's Coffee Club (not Warwick Kappa's by the way; the Warwick, QLD branch of the exponentially growing Coffee Club Franchise), I've loathed to eat anything at all.

After our two-and-half hour excursion up the Cunningham Highway, my wife had the idea of some cuisine other than your stock standard trans-fat delights of McDonalds, KFC et al. The Coffee Club was earmarked feast of the other worldly variety. How thing's quickly turned sour.

Once arrived and seated, the waitress took our order. We waited patiently and in no time at all, the meals arrived. Typical Coffee Club, I thought. Nice short, sharp service.

My wife grimaced as if she'd just caught whiff of some body odour from the bloke at the neighbouring table, only she was looking down at her food; Eggs Benedict.

The toast (or some fancy name for such) was as pale as a pint of milk. It was stale bread at best, glorified toast by the maker who was saving electricity at worst. The ham would've made my cat recoil in fright, while the eggs were as raw as a greyhound's dinner. This trio was drowned (yes, drowned) in hollandaise sauce, which was undoubtedly the worst facet of the dish. The stuff almost dripped from the side of the plate there was that much of it. The smell? Well, let's just say the bloke at the neighbouring table's body odour was a better proposition. The sauce appeared to be mixed with out-of-date sour cream and Hulk Hogan's preserved piss of at least twenty years! There may've been a skerrick of mustard in it, but I didn't want to inspect too close.

My wife placed it to one side in displeasure. Her pot of tea wasn't too bad, despite the fact it probably comprised of Black & Gold tea bags, which the fine folk at the Coffee Club no doubt made a hefty profit on, with an 80 per cent mark-up or the like.

Whilst I looked on in dread at the Eggs Benedict, I'd completely forgotten about my own meal; a ham, cheese, and tomato toasted sandwich. The staple lunch for a meat and two veg. man. Let's just say it 'was' a staple lunch in my dietary repertoire.

For a start, the bread was a like doorsteps. Like my wife's, it was also ghost pale. The margarine oozed from the 'toast' which made it soggy (all the hallmarks of 'bread', I'd say). The ham was indeed worse than the Eggs Benedict's. It made the arteries shrink and harden in equal measure. The cheese looked like it'd been recycled and even then, I doubt if it'd melted properly in the first instance. By this point, I didn't even bother looking at the tomato...

So I leaned back on my chair and thought to myself, at least I still have my mug of cappuccino! I took one sip and belched in utter repulsion. The coffee was so burnt I almost saw the bottom of the mug smouldering. I shifted it to one side in disgust. Had I taken another sip, my breathe would've been likened to the smell of a bear's arsehole!

We got up and left the food behind. I felt sorry for the entity to which our leftovers would be presented. Probably an employee's pet dog who will be scarred for life by the experience. That's if the poor thing survives...

Thirty-four dollars and eighty cents. Daylight robbery redefined. The waitress didn't even ask how our meal was, despite the fact we were up and down so quick we almost contracted the bends!

The Coffee Club. I used to enjoy our time together. As they say, all good things must come to an end. If I were the QLD health authorities I'd be breaking a leg to get to Warwick.

This isn't 1 star, "poor" this is 0 stars and "piss poor"!

By Simon K.

Player Ratings - Swansea City vs. Liverpool: - 0-1

 

Liverpool continued their good form with a fortuitous 1-0 victory away to Swansea City. The Liberty Stadium has never been a happy hunting ground for the men from Merseyside, however tonight’s performance was yet another for the record books; a first win away at the Liberty Stadium coupled with Liverpool’s sixth consecutive clean sheet away from home, a club record. Although lucky to escape with the three points, sometimes you create your own luck. Player ratings as follows:

Simon Mignolet - 8: Made two crucial saves in the first half. His save from Bafetimbi Gomis was among his best this season while his effort from Gylfi Sigurdsson wasn’t too far behind, either. A complete performance from the renaissance man. Any hint of replacing him in the summer seemingly dwindles as each match passes.

Emre Can - 7: Defensively, he looked to struggle with the physical aspect at times. He made several marauding runs from the back and defended on the front foot, winning crucial tackles in the dangerous areas of the pitch. Solid.

Martin Skrtel - 8: The big Slovak didn’t put a foot wrong from the opening whistle. Generally coped well with Gomis. A carbon copy performance since the turn of the year, all told.

Mamadou Sakho - 8:  Heckled by the Swansea faithful, the big Frenchman took it in his stride with yet another impressive display. His introduction back into the starting XI was very much welcomed. A mainstay when fit.

Adam Lallana - 6:  An industrious performance from the Englishman. Along with his team mates, suffered in the first half due to Swansea’s incessant pressing off the ball.

Alberto Moreno - 6: Got himself into trouble several times, which led to a booking and eventually led to his substitution. Comfortable in the new formation, however requires improvement in the final third.

Jordan Henderson - 7: In the first half, was overrun in the midfield, however looked far more comfortable further up the pitch. Although there was an element of luck with his goal, he busted a lung to get into the position and reaped the reward for his effort. His impressive run of goals continues.

Joe Allen - 8: Man of the Match. Liverpool’s best player. Even when the chips were down in the first half, he won several important battles; none better than his last ditch tackle on Gomis. Controlled possession in tight areas and kept the ball moving in the second half.

Philippe Coutinho - 6: Like Sterling and Daniel Sturridge, suffered as a result of Swansea’s industry off the ball. He eventually grew into the game, where his quality was on show for all to see. Will no doubt be more influential in other games before the season’s end.

Raheem Sterling- 6: Like his teammates in the attacking third, anonymous for large parts of the match. He came to life when Liverpool managed to get a stronghold on the game, with a series of mazy excursions.

Daniel Sturridge - 6: See Raheem Sterling. Looked lively with the ball at his feet; it just didn’t fall to him often enough, which is a credit to Swansea, who worked tirelessly off the ball throughout the match.

Substitutes:

Steven Gerrard - 7: Changed the game. His aura seemed to breathe life into those around him. Made a series of crucial tackles in the midfield and got Liverpool on the front foot when it mattered.

Glen Johnson – N/R:  Was brought on to keep things tight towards the back end of the game. 

Brendan Rodgers - 7: The masterful substitution of Steven Gerrard proved the difference in the end. Midway through the second half, Rodgers sensed Liverpool were beginning to get on top and played his Wildcard in Gerrard. It paid dividends.

By Simon K.

 

 

Player Ratings - Liverpool vs. Burnley 2-0

After the triumph against Manchester City it was important for Liverpool to continue their winning ways. Burnley proved tenacious in opposition and a very well coached unit. However, during the match Liverpool's quality shone through, ending up 2-0 victors on the night. Yet another invaluable three points for the Redmen, who continue their surge towards the top four. My Liverpool FC player ratings as follows:

Simon Mignolet - 7: Barely called upon, however when required, he did it well. His ability to come for crosses has improved tenfold since Boxing Day when these two sides last met. Won an innocuous header midway through the second half outside the box, however fortune favours the brave. Sometimes.

Dejan Lovren - 7: Another solid performance for the improving Croatian. Not fully recovered from his nightmare start to the season, with several inaccurate passes lucky not to lead to more for Burnley. However, things appear to be moving in the right direction for him.

Martin Skrtel - 8: The bedrock of the Liverpool defence. He didn't put a foot wrong throughout and dealt with the industrious Danny Ings very well. He's proving to be an able leader throughout this team.

Emre Can - 8: Was once again moved to right wing back in the game's latter stages. You could play him anywhere on the pitch and the German would look comfortable. For a player of his age, his ability to read the game is frightening.

Alberto Moreno - 6: Dealt well in a defensive sense. Played within himself in the final third of the pitch. More to come from the young Spaniard; one of many who's benefited from the change in system since the turn of the year.

Raheem Sterling- 7: Made several mazes runs which are becoming a scary formality when he is on the ball. Some may feel he is wasted in the right wing back position, but like Emre Can, Sterling's versatility is one of his endearing qualities.

Jordan Henderson - 8: Man of the Match. Once again, heroic. His goal just about bettered his effort against Manchester City, with a thumping volley which saw the home team take a much deserved lead. His telepathic understanding with Daniel Sturridge saw him turn provider for Liverpool's second. A beautiful pass, which found the front man to put the game to bed. Growing into his role as the team's leader.

Joe Allen - 8: Continuing his form from Sunday, the underappreciated Welshman didn't miss a beat. Without the ball, he astutely chose his moments to press while in possession, he remained unflustered and played the game in front and around him. An out -and-out team player.

Adam Lallana - 8: He once again ran himself into the ground whilst demonstrating his silky touches and turns. Starting to prove a nice foil for Philippe Coutinho. His good form and consistent run in the team couldn't have come at a better time.

Philippe Coutinho - 7: Lovely touches throughout, however it was his impressive work off the ball which a feature of his game. He led the way with Liverpool's unrelenting pressing, which made it hard for Burnley to play through.

Daniel Sturridge - 7: Could've had a hat trick had he been fully match fit. I'm sure people aren't aware just how well he took his goal with a bullet header, which was directed with precision. His touch let him down at times, but if he can score on the off night, the sky's limit when he is on. It's building nicely for Liverpool main man.

Substitutes:

Kolo Toure – N/R: In a carbon copy from Sunday, he shored things up at the back. Seldom called upon throughout his cameo. 

Glen Johnson – N/R: Ditto Kolo Toure. Another brief appearance from the former England International.

Rickie Lambert – N/R: Simply an introduction for the record books. Didn't get a touch.

Brendan Rodgers – 7: An easier night for the Liverpool Manager, who once again got his troops up for the game. The relentless pressing has seen this team transformed into a genuine top four contender.



By Simon K.

Player Ratings - Liverpool vs. Manchester City: 2-1

After the disappointment of bowing out of the Europa League, coupled with an important Premier League fixture than 72 hours away, Liverpool FC came into the game against title contenders, Manchester City with most pundits writing them off. As said throughout these parts sum seven days earlier; the juggernaut continues. It was a heroic victory for the men from Anfield, in a performance that can undoubtedly be described as their best this season. The elation is high to the point where I can't say much more. My Liverpool FC player ratings as follows:

Simon Mignolet - 6: During the critical moments, Mignolet looked rather shaky; a surprise, considering his current resurgence. Should have come for the ball in the lead up to Sergio Aguero's chance shortly after Liverpool took the lead. Thankfully, those critical moments in front of goal proved few, as the Belgium didn't have a lot to do.

Dejan Lovren - 6: After his penalty miss in the Europa League, it was important for the much maligned Croatian to get back to basics. He had an up and down afternoon, but made several important interventions throughout. Commanding in the air and whilst rash in the game's embryonic stages, his second half was steady. It was important for his confidence that he finished on the winning side.

Martin Skrtel - 7: Once again commanding. The back three were undone by a brilliantly worked Manchester City goal, but other than that, proved able. Skrtel's role in the team proves more important as the weeks pass.

Emre Can - 7: Showed great strength throughout and continues to defy his critics from earlier in the season. Was moved to right wing back in the game's late stages. Once again, he took to it like a duck to water.

Alberto Moreno - 7: Another solid display from the marauding Spaniard. Had to deal with a lot of the traffic in the first held and by and large, dealt with it well. A work in progress, but so far the former Sevilla man's season can be defined as a success.

Lazar Markovic - 6: A mixed afternoon for the nonchalant Serb. Conducted his defensive duties well, whilst also involved in some of Liverpool's finer moments in the final third. He still needs work on his end product, but I have no doubt it will fall into place for the young man.

Jordan Henderson - 8: Talismanic. Outplayed his opponent in Yaya Toure. His goal, no doubt his finest in a Liverpool shirt, thus far. His pressing was first class whilst his leadership skills continue to flourish.

Joe Allen - 9: Imperious. A player who's divided opinion amongst the Anfield faithful, he didn't put a foot wrong in a performance which can be defined as his best in a red shirt. The way he turned on the ball was a skill that simply can't be taught. He's risen to another level and long may it continue. Adam

Lallana - 8: Another player who perhaps had his best match in a red shirt. Lallana's work rate was Dirk Kuyt esque as he ran himself into the ground from the opening whistle. Had the ball in the back of the net twice. The first, goal of the season contender had it counted. Some - including myself - thought it should have.

Philippe Coutinho - 9: Man of the Match. Unplayable. Again, he well and truly outplayed his opponent in David Silva, who himself didn't have a bad afternoon by any stretch. Another goal of world class proportions and one that rivals his pile driving strike from last week against Southampton. Had the ball on the string from the opening whistle. When he's on like he was today, he is simply unstoppable.

Raheem Sterling- 7: Missed a chance late in the first half, but other than that, led from the front in a defensive sense where Liverpool chose their moments to press their opponent. A tireless performance.

Substitutes:

Daniel Sturridge - N/R: Missed a golden opportunity late on to put the game to bed. After his disappointing night in Turkey, some may say he is struggling at the moment, but while the team is winning, the main focus for Liverpool's main man is to continue getting game time.

Kolo Toure – N/R: Shored things up at the back where he won several late aerial duals. A good option to have coming off the bench in these situations.

Brendan Rodgers – 8: After the rigours of the past 72 hours, he somehow got his squad up for this match in what can perhaps be described as a minor miracle. Adopting the pressing tactics, which have brought him success during his Anfield tenure, this win could be described as his greatest as a Liverpool manager, thus far.

By Simon K.

Player Ratings - Beşiktaş vs. Liverpool 1-0 (5-4) - Europa League Second Leg

It was a tough night at the office for Brenda Rodgers’ men in the second leg of their Europa League tie in Turkey. They suffered their first defeat of the calendar year, as Beşiktaş deserved their 1-0 victory on the night and eventually, 5-4 on penalties.

With an all important fixture at home to Manchester City in less than 48 hours, the loss and performance couldn’t have come at a worse time. A majority of first XI players’ endured the rigours of extra time, while the performance itself was indifferent in comparison with previous weeks. Player ratings as follows:

Simon Mignolet - 6: Nothing he could do for the goal, nor the five spot kicks from which he conceded. Was once again commanding throughout.

Dejan Lovren - 4: His missed penalty sums up his Liverpool career, thus far. Showed a willingness to step up in a vital time, but in fairness shouldn’t have been anywhere among the five penalty takers.

Martin Skrtel - 6: Did well in containing Demba Ba throughout, despite the latter’s effort in extra time. Didn’t do a lot wrong on the night.  

Kolo Toure - 6:  Looked quite comfortable at the back. Struggled to find an outlet when bringing the ball out, however he wasn’t the only one. Some may say he was culpable in not closing down his opponent in the lead up to Beşiktaş’ goal.

Jordan Ibe - 6:  Quiet game for the young Englishmen. Limped off during the second half with a slight knock/injury.

Alberto Moreno - 6: From a Liverpool point of view, he looked the liveliest. Provided able coverage for Lovren several times throughout the first half. Still wondering why he wasn’t the fifth penalty taker.

Emre Can - 6: Look comfortable in the midfield. Tired as the game went with cramp and it showed, as he failed to find a teammate with the final pass on several occasions.

Joe Allen - 6: Liverpool’s best player in the first half. Controlled the midfield, however faded as the game progressed. He will be vital for the weekend’s game against City.

Raheem Sterling- 4: Failed to keep hold of the ball in a performance that was among his worst in a Liverpool shirt. Missed two good opportunities to double Liverpool’s advantage in the tie. A night to forget.

Mario Balotelli - 6: Was almost hacked to death by Beşiktaş’ defenders. Detractors may suggest he was to blame in the lead up to Besiktas’ goal, but looked like Liverpool’s best outlet in an attacking sense.

Daniel Sturridge - 4: See Raheem Sterling. Missed a golden chance to put the tie to bed in the first half. Along with Sterling, the surface didn’t help Sturridge’s case, however by his standards, he had a poor game.

Javier Manquillo - 5: Did a steady job at right wing back, despite conceding a needless corner just after his introduction.

Adam Lallana - 6:  Tried his best to penetrate in the final third but suffered along with his teammates in producing any attacking fluidity.

Rickie Lambert - 6:  Tried his best to provide a spark. His work ethic can never be doubted. Took his penalty well.

Brendan Rodgers - 5: He seemingly left the team’s pressing tactics at Melwood. Liverpool’s European and Premier League tactics couldn’t be more contrasting. This season has been a steep learning curve for the young manager, who will hopefully review some of the tactics he’s employed on the continent this season. The only way is up.

By Simon K.